Do I Really Have To Let Go?
05 January, 2019
The last time I was here, I mentioned that I was once again starting a "new life" and that I would let you know why that was happening. Well, I don't mean to disappoint you but I'm going to save that for another day. Why? Because it will take quite some time to put everything in order for me to be able to explain it in such a way that I'm not repeating myself and getting off track on random tangents about what happened when and who said that one thing or whatever. So please be patient with me. It will come in its own time.
But today I want to talk about something that I'm not sure if I've really thought about before. And it comes in the form of a question that isn't directed at anyone in particular except for maybe myself. And it came into my head just maybe 10 minutes ago so I haven't had any time to sit and think about the possible answers. But here's the question(s):
"Do I really have to let go of bad memories and experiences in order to move forward and be able to build better relationships or strengthen the ones I already have that are being torn apart by things that have happened that I had no control over or any part of them happening? And the answer is "Yes" or if the answer is "No", then my next question is,"Why?", and then,"How do I do it?"
If you've ever read anything that deals with positive energy and self-healing, then you've seen that there are a couple of things that are always included in the list of things one must do in order to fix yourself, straighten the keel and right your ship so that the strong winds of change blow into your sails and take you out of the storm. And those things are getting "closure" and "letting go".
I suppose that you can't get one without having the other, so in order to have closure of the situation you're going through, you have to let go of the bad things that have happened during this situation, and you can't let go of them until you get closure of that situation, right? So I don't see that it makes a difference which comes first.
Say that you've been in a serious relationship and you discovered that your partner, spouse or whoever has been unfaithful in some way, whether they've physically cheated with someone else or they had an emotional affair (doing everything but being physical but hid everything from you), and when confronted, they lied and then when those lies were exposed, gave you reasons that are not logical or even comprehensible to understand. But after a lot of thought and tangled emotions that you can't begin to make sense of, you decide to put your trust in your partner again and work through it.
Let's also say that this is not the first time your partner has taken your trust and wiped their ass with it and what's just happened has brought back a monsoon of hurt and memories of the ugly and brutal things that were said to each other, the images of screenshots of messages to the people they were unfaithful with or the image of what you actually saw with your own eyes as your partner is engaged is the horrible act has been unleashed from the deep, dark place you've buried them and all the hurt and resentment and even the hate is now staring you in the face, almost taunting you.
And you have decided that you want to keep this relationship alive and desperately want it to be something amazing that you really believe it can be...but something is stopping you. So you start looking at all those hurtful feelings and memories and ask yourself why are you still keeping them locked away in that deep and dark place inside you? You don't like it when they come out so why hold onto what's not in your life anymore? It's time for you to "Let Go" so you can have "Closure" of that part of your past.
But here's where my first question comes in. Do I really have to let go of all this bad shit in order to close that part of my past in order for me to get my life where I want this relationship to be? I don't think that I do. But only if I'm able to see all of those bad memories and lies and bullshit as the things that I don't want in my life and relationship, and not always keep the idea that my partner will do it again because they always have before in the back of my head.
If I am always thinking that it's not a matter of IF they do it again, but WHEN they do it, then I'll always have this little escape hatch within my reach that I can open at any time and bail out.
But if I don't allow the idea that they will betray my trust to even take up space in my life, then I won't have any need for that escape hatch, and that space is now open for more good memories and experiences.
But being strong enough to have those bad and horrible memories coexisting with the good to serve as the reminders of what you don't have to have in your life and relationship, and not let it keep you from having what you do want can and will be one of the most difficult things you'll ever have to do.
I'll have to dig a lot deeper into the other questions some other time. Right now I have obligations I must attend to.
Thanks for stopping by today.
The last time I was here, I mentioned that I was once again starting a "new life" and that I would let you know why that was happening. Well, I don't mean to disappoint you but I'm going to save that for another day. Why? Because it will take quite some time to put everything in order for me to be able to explain it in such a way that I'm not repeating myself and getting off track on random tangents about what happened when and who said that one thing or whatever. So please be patient with me. It will come in its own time.
But today I want to talk about something that I'm not sure if I've really thought about before. And it comes in the form of a question that isn't directed at anyone in particular except for maybe myself. And it came into my head just maybe 10 minutes ago so I haven't had any time to sit and think about the possible answers. But here's the question(s):
"Do I really have to let go of bad memories and experiences in order to move forward and be able to build better relationships or strengthen the ones I already have that are being torn apart by things that have happened that I had no control over or any part of them happening? And the answer is "Yes" or if the answer is "No", then my next question is,"Why?", and then,"How do I do it?"
If you've ever read anything that deals with positive energy and self-healing, then you've seen that there are a couple of things that are always included in the list of things one must do in order to fix yourself, straighten the keel and right your ship so that the strong winds of change blow into your sails and take you out of the storm. And those things are getting "closure" and "letting go".
I suppose that you can't get one without having the other, so in order to have closure of the situation you're going through, you have to let go of the bad things that have happened during this situation, and you can't let go of them until you get closure of that situation, right? So I don't see that it makes a difference which comes first.
Say that you've been in a serious relationship and you discovered that your partner, spouse or whoever has been unfaithful in some way, whether they've physically cheated with someone else or they had an emotional affair (doing everything but being physical but hid everything from you), and when confronted, they lied and then when those lies were exposed, gave you reasons that are not logical or even comprehensible to understand. But after a lot of thought and tangled emotions that you can't begin to make sense of, you decide to put your trust in your partner again and work through it.
Let's also say that this is not the first time your partner has taken your trust and wiped their ass with it and what's just happened has brought back a monsoon of hurt and memories of the ugly and brutal things that were said to each other, the images of screenshots of messages to the people they were unfaithful with or the image of what you actually saw with your own eyes as your partner is engaged is the horrible act has been unleashed from the deep, dark place you've buried them and all the hurt and resentment and even the hate is now staring you in the face, almost taunting you.
And you have decided that you want to keep this relationship alive and desperately want it to be something amazing that you really believe it can be...but something is stopping you. So you start looking at all those hurtful feelings and memories and ask yourself why are you still keeping them locked away in that deep and dark place inside you? You don't like it when they come out so why hold onto what's not in your life anymore? It's time for you to "Let Go" so you can have "Closure" of that part of your past.
But here's where my first question comes in. Do I really have to let go of all this bad shit in order to close that part of my past in order for me to get my life where I want this relationship to be? I don't think that I do. But only if I'm able to see all of those bad memories and lies and bullshit as the things that I don't want in my life and relationship, and not always keep the idea that my partner will do it again because they always have before in the back of my head.
If I am always thinking that it's not a matter of IF they do it again, but WHEN they do it, then I'll always have this little escape hatch within my reach that I can open at any time and bail out.
But if I don't allow the idea that they will betray my trust to even take up space in my life, then I won't have any need for that escape hatch, and that space is now open for more good memories and experiences.
But being strong enough to have those bad and horrible memories coexisting with the good to serve as the reminders of what you don't have to have in your life and relationship, and not let it keep you from having what you do want can and will be one of the most difficult things you'll ever have to do.
I'll have to dig a lot deeper into the other questions some other time. Right now I have obligations I must attend to.
Thanks for stopping by today.
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