Far away from where you are
I begin to realize every day, as if it's just beginning again, that I'm still so far away from where you are. I can only imagine what it's like to be in your shoes. I wonder how I look when you look at me. I wonder what you're thinking when I kiss you. I wonder if you think that this is all another short lived dream, that at any time you'll awaken and your nightmare will again be real.
I still have my reservations, I still have my fears, I still have my doubts, just as you. Although, I believe that they come from different reasons, I think they are just as important to you as they are to me.
We expect different things out of this, and sadly, that is why we have such differing opinions on why we've suffered for so long. When we are both able to see what the other needs and wants, then we will succeed. What you need isn't that so far away from what I need. We both have the need to feel like we are wanted, although they come from different directions. We both have the need to feel as though we are important, not taken for granted, and after all the years of you feeling as though you were not important to me and that I've taken you and the fact that you wouldn't leave for granted, have you ever felt that you've maybe taken me for granted? The way the house is always clean, dinner put away, clothes washed, dried and folded, house vacuumed, trash taken out. All these little things that you don't have to do, or don't want to do because you are depressed? As I've said, I've been fighting depression for almost 20 years, but these are things that have to be done, whether I feel like doing them or not.
We both have the need to feel as though we're appreciated.
We both have the need to feel loved. As a woman and a man, physiologically these differ, and that is something that as humans we have to figure out what makes us feel that way, but I believe that no one person can MAKE us feel a certain way. It is our OWN person that makes us feel a certain way. We have the choice and the ability to take what someone gives us and apply it to or not apply it to our lives. We make a choice everyday to show love to people, but those people have the choice to accept that love. That is something that they own.
I can and will continue to choose everyday to show you that I love you and that I need you. And that you are important to me. That I need you in my life.
It is up to you to accept that choice. I cannot make you love me. I cannot make you be in love with me. That is completely up to you.
But know this, When it comes time for you to make that choice, I hope that you will make it for yourself, and not make it for the sake of the kids or anyone else. Not for me. Not for your Mom. Not for your friends. Not for your religion.
But, I also know, that at some point, I will ask that you be able to give me the things that I need. I know that this is a two way street and I've been willing to travel down that road. I hope that you are willing to travel it with me. We both feel as though for so long, we've traveled this road alone. That the other hasn't been able to give what we feel we need. I'm willing to make the changes...are you?
I still have my reservations, I still have my fears, I still have my doubts, just as you. Although, I believe that they come from different reasons, I think they are just as important to you as they are to me.
We expect different things out of this, and sadly, that is why we have such differing opinions on why we've suffered for so long. When we are both able to see what the other needs and wants, then we will succeed. What you need isn't that so far away from what I need. We both have the need to feel like we are wanted, although they come from different directions. We both have the need to feel as though we are important, not taken for granted, and after all the years of you feeling as though you were not important to me and that I've taken you and the fact that you wouldn't leave for granted, have you ever felt that you've maybe taken me for granted? The way the house is always clean, dinner put away, clothes washed, dried and folded, house vacuumed, trash taken out. All these little things that you don't have to do, or don't want to do because you are depressed? As I've said, I've been fighting depression for almost 20 years, but these are things that have to be done, whether I feel like doing them or not.
We both have the need to feel as though we're appreciated.
We both have the need to feel loved. As a woman and a man, physiologically these differ, and that is something that as humans we have to figure out what makes us feel that way, but I believe that no one person can MAKE us feel a certain way. It is our OWN person that makes us feel a certain way. We have the choice and the ability to take what someone gives us and apply it to or not apply it to our lives. We make a choice everyday to show love to people, but those people have the choice to accept that love. That is something that they own.
I can and will continue to choose everyday to show you that I love you and that I need you. And that you are important to me. That I need you in my life.
It is up to you to accept that choice. I cannot make you love me. I cannot make you be in love with me. That is completely up to you.
But know this, When it comes time for you to make that choice, I hope that you will make it for yourself, and not make it for the sake of the kids or anyone else. Not for me. Not for your Mom. Not for your friends. Not for your religion.
But, I also know, that at some point, I will ask that you be able to give me the things that I need. I know that this is a two way street and I've been willing to travel down that road. I hope that you are willing to travel it with me. We both feel as though for so long, we've traveled this road alone. That the other hasn't been able to give what we feel we need. I'm willing to make the changes...are you?
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