Still learning...
As I continue to pursue a better me, I look back at my life and wonder,"what made me be me?
I think it's really a valid question that we should all ask ourselves at some point in time in our lives. I look at my past friendships, where I've lived, the people I knew growing up, events and happenings within my family life. Somehow all these are related to the person you are today. I feel as though I've lost some things along the way. Closeness to my family is one of those. I live just a few miles from my mom, yet I've only been to her new house once, and that was for a family holiday dinner. My sisters and brother Ben, the same. My dad and other brothers Stephen and Michael live in another state, so you could understand the difficulty in seeing them very often, however, a phone call would suffice.
I've been blessed recently to experience a very challenging event in my life. Now, most people would not consider a challenging experience to be a blessing. But for me, it's made me realize that it was time to really take a look at myself, peel back the layers and examine who I am and how I can make myself better, as a person, a father, husband and friend. I have to be honest, it's not been easy to look at myself in some ways, because I've realized that as much as I thought I WAS a great person, father,husband and friend, there have been times where I haven't been that person I thought I was.
When, because of a situation or event that happens in your life, you are forced in some way to evaluate your behaviors towards other people in your life, it should make you want to change those behaviors, if they have negative results.
Although, there are some who for whatever reason feel that they are just fine and have nothing to change, and that's fine. They own that feeling. It is up to you, the one who deals with those negative feelings and actions, to choose if you will continue to deal with them, or remove yourself from them.
I've been told that when you begin to change your life, whether it be a new job, going back to school, dealing with divorce, whatever, you should take a look at the things in your life that have a negative impact on how you live. And unfortunately, that can mean friends and even family members. If you share a relationship with a friend or family member who is always negative, that seeps into your life and can make you have all these negative reactions and feelings toward things. I know someone who whenever she speaks of her job, always has something negative to say about it. Anytime someone talks about whatever is happening in their life, good or bad, she has a negative experience that she tries to make it trump your experience. I'm sorry, but, if you hate your job, get a new one. If you hate your life, get a new one. It's up to you how you live. It's up to you to either forgive those who have hurt you and move on or to continue to dwell on those things and experiences and let them control your life and how you look at it.
You own your feelings. You don't own anyone else's. You are the one who can change your life, but you have to WANT to.
Since I had the conversation with my wife that a divorce was what she wanted, I finally heard the alarms going off. I've hit the snooze button for too many years, and that applies not only to how our marriage has been, but how I've lived my life. I've read books on how to have a successful marriage. Yeah, those are great and they give you ideas on how to keep your spouse happy and the life in the bedroom exciting, but so far the best book I've read is by Gary Chapman, called "The five love languages".
This book, has really helped me identify the positives as well as the negatives in my life and how to use those positives and change the negatives. What this book can teach you is simply put, wow. But when reading this book, you have to willing to open yourself up, put everything you thought you knew about yourself, love and life away on a shelf. If you're not willing to do that, then you are just reading a book about blah..blah..blah... and you get absolutely nothing from it. But if you're willing to do those things, I believe that you can't NOT take something from it that will help you, not only in your relationship, but your everyday life and dealings with those around you.
Life is a choice you make everyday. You choose how to react to situations. You choose to show love to those around you. YOU choose. Not anyone else. And I think that if you choose to show love and respect to those you care about, you will receive it.
The thing is, you can choose to show expressions of love to those who matter most to you, but remember, they also have the choice to accept those expressions. So, in showing those expressions of love, you are also learning patience, and realizing that showing love is for the benefit of those you are giving those to. NOT yourself. You have to realize that love is not really a two way street. Those you show love to do not have to show love back. But what I'm still learning, is the benefit of showing love to those who are most important to you and to the others in your life, without the expectation of receiving love back, makes me a better person. Why? because I can live knowing that whatever I do, I can know that I'm showing love and respect whether or not I get it in return.
I think it's really a valid question that we should all ask ourselves at some point in time in our lives. I look at my past friendships, where I've lived, the people I knew growing up, events and happenings within my family life. Somehow all these are related to the person you are today. I feel as though I've lost some things along the way. Closeness to my family is one of those. I live just a few miles from my mom, yet I've only been to her new house once, and that was for a family holiday dinner. My sisters and brother Ben, the same. My dad and other brothers Stephen and Michael live in another state, so you could understand the difficulty in seeing them very often, however, a phone call would suffice.
I've been blessed recently to experience a very challenging event in my life. Now, most people would not consider a challenging experience to be a blessing. But for me, it's made me realize that it was time to really take a look at myself, peel back the layers and examine who I am and how I can make myself better, as a person, a father, husband and friend. I have to be honest, it's not been easy to look at myself in some ways, because I've realized that as much as I thought I WAS a great person, father,husband and friend, there have been times where I haven't been that person I thought I was.
When, because of a situation or event that happens in your life, you are forced in some way to evaluate your behaviors towards other people in your life, it should make you want to change those behaviors, if they have negative results.
Although, there are some who for whatever reason feel that they are just fine and have nothing to change, and that's fine. They own that feeling. It is up to you, the one who deals with those negative feelings and actions, to choose if you will continue to deal with them, or remove yourself from them.
I've been told that when you begin to change your life, whether it be a new job, going back to school, dealing with divorce, whatever, you should take a look at the things in your life that have a negative impact on how you live. And unfortunately, that can mean friends and even family members. If you share a relationship with a friend or family member who is always negative, that seeps into your life and can make you have all these negative reactions and feelings toward things. I know someone who whenever she speaks of her job, always has something negative to say about it. Anytime someone talks about whatever is happening in their life, good or bad, she has a negative experience that she tries to make it trump your experience. I'm sorry, but, if you hate your job, get a new one. If you hate your life, get a new one. It's up to you how you live. It's up to you to either forgive those who have hurt you and move on or to continue to dwell on those things and experiences and let them control your life and how you look at it.
You own your feelings. You don't own anyone else's. You are the one who can change your life, but you have to WANT to.
Since I had the conversation with my wife that a divorce was what she wanted, I finally heard the alarms going off. I've hit the snooze button for too many years, and that applies not only to how our marriage has been, but how I've lived my life. I've read books on how to have a successful marriage. Yeah, those are great and they give you ideas on how to keep your spouse happy and the life in the bedroom exciting, but so far the best book I've read is by Gary Chapman, called "The five love languages".
This book, has really helped me identify the positives as well as the negatives in my life and how to use those positives and change the negatives. What this book can teach you is simply put, wow. But when reading this book, you have to willing to open yourself up, put everything you thought you knew about yourself, love and life away on a shelf. If you're not willing to do that, then you are just reading a book about blah..blah..blah... and you get absolutely nothing from it. But if you're willing to do those things, I believe that you can't NOT take something from it that will help you, not only in your relationship, but your everyday life and dealings with those around you.
Life is a choice you make everyday. You choose how to react to situations. You choose to show love to those around you. YOU choose. Not anyone else. And I think that if you choose to show love and respect to those you care about, you will receive it.
The thing is, you can choose to show expressions of love to those who matter most to you, but remember, they also have the choice to accept those expressions. So, in showing those expressions of love, you are also learning patience, and realizing that showing love is for the benefit of those you are giving those to. NOT yourself. You have to realize that love is not really a two way street. Those you show love to do not have to show love back. But what I'm still learning, is the benefit of showing love to those who are most important to you and to the others in your life, without the expectation of receiving love back, makes me a better person. Why? because I can live knowing that whatever I do, I can know that I'm showing love and respect whether or not I get it in return.
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